i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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