So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
