I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
