I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
