So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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