smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
