i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
