i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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