I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
