Umm I'm too high to move.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
