all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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