It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
