Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
