She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
