maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
