I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
