Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
