I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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