oh god the rape fog is back!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
