I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
