Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
