WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
