Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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