god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
