did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
