Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
