can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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