Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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