is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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