when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
