Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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