I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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