I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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