I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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