Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize