Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
