she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
