That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
