4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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