He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
