wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
