After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
