I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
