Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
