so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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