Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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