she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
