There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
