turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
