her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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