I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
