Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize