Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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