His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
