im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
