So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
