I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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