Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
