My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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