i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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