he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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