just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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