Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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