We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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