Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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