if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
