Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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