i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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