I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
