Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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