all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
