You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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