One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
