i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
