you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize