hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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