What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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