I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
