matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
