We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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