We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
