i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
