youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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