she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
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I understand Curling. That high.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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