A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
