I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
