fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this boner is exhausting
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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