I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
