Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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