At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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