as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
