haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
