I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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